internet cafe
Aku sedang ada di sebuah internet cafe terletak di London selatan. Aku menyetik p.r saya yang diberi oleh kuliah ku, 'king's college london'.
Kadang kadang aneh rasanya, betapa jauh saya dari 'rumah' aku - dari tanah air, indonesia ku.

Aku mimpi selalu tentang pantai-pantai di Indonesia, harumnya kretek dan jajan jajan di sebelah jalan. Kaki lima, nasi goreng, nasi padang. Nyantai di pantai, main surfing seluruh hari. Menunggu nunggu dan memimpi -mimpi. Sebuah utopia di hatiku.

Dan sekarang di antara dinginnya musim dinging di London - rumah ku kedua yang ini, rasanya aneh sekali. Mungikin belum biasa bahwa realitasnya buat saya adalah ini. Bahasa bahasa yank ku tak mengerti.

Tetapi, di ujung kamar ini, di sebuah pojok di kota istimewa ini, telefonnya suara. Dan sebuah ibu tua membicara. 'Sebentar lagi aku pulan, ibu mau ke somerfield dulu'

somerfield - sebuah hero di london, pasar swalayan.
Nah sekarang, bagaimana?

Seharusnya saya menyabutkan sesuatu kepadanya.



(To be continued)

smoked out haze
Now Playing: immortal technique
My fingers glide across the keyboard, the constant sound of random clicks, in this digitialized world, the message that comes out of all this code is from the soul.

In this haze of smoke we spit out the truth, we think and philosophise ideologies, by the fireplace, we think, how can we be in the land of the free, this corporate world, the saga, tha tragedies, the mistake the politics and the lies, the hypocrisy and the pretentiousness, the government and their failures, the corruption, this is the world that we live in, the corporate world feeds the people the news they perceive of reality.

People need to step out of this thought box. People must step aside and realise that the world out there is full of lies. The world out there is a sad reality. God left us the earth in trust that our faith would build something beautiful in this precious home of ours. But pause. Take a moment to think about what I'm saying. Take a moment to see what is going around in this world. The terror, the murders, the tragedies, the pointless deaths, the things that should never have occured but did, because in the path of this cyclical and ever repeating history we have failed to learn once more.
We continue to fail. But this can either be the generation that fixes that or perpetuates the current state of terrible affairs.

It is our choice.
We can fight for the truth, and with non violence we can unite. The young people out there, the privileged and the well educated. Your yound and fresh minds, your vision and your ambition can help people to wake up from their blindness. You can be the bridge between all the lies and the truth.
Though you may not always feel that you are being supported. you may question why you have joined this cause. But find strength because you have led a life whose path was pure, a man who followed his heart. A man who was true to himself. A man who endeavoured for righteousness.
This culture of greed, hypocrisy and lies. This method of human abuse, of policies that are directly responsible for the deaths of millions of young children in Africa, in the world. The anger is endemic, in the music, in society, wealth is bountiful the opulence and wealth makes people insecure. They are nothing and have little value.

These are the sins and the viruses that must be fought against. And we cannot stop in this struggle for freedom.
Together we must stand tall and firm knowing that our lives are directly influencing and pushing forward our wise for freedom and unity. For the connection of the people. of ideas. of love. of peace.

You, i know are out there.
This is a mission.
This is a dedication to a life, a lifestyle that pushes you to step out of the box. To think out of the 'thought box'.
Wear it, hear it, watch it, visualize it, see it,
This is the dream.
This is the vision.
This is what i want to accomplish.
The unity of people,
The collective recognization that we can step out of this bed of lies and luxurious hypocrisy.

We believe that change in the world is possible.
We gain inspiration from past heroes like gandhi, like mandela, like luther king, like malcolm, and now, aung san suu kyi, you and many like you are out there. You are willing to fight to the end for the realisation of your cause. And for this fact alone, simple and beautiful yet powerful and far reaching you achieved what you envisaged. You rallied enough people with your belief and passion.
And you answered the critics.
You achieved change.

That.


That is my dream.

To fight for truth,
to lead and to challenge perceptions,
to inspire change,

random motion, not this time
Now Playing: immortal technique
not this time, this time we are mentally attuned, we are prepared and ready, we stand firm knowing that we have done all we possibly and humanly can to fight for the cause that we held deepest in our hearts, the faith and the hope that we sustained to continue that dream and to fight for its manifestation for all to see in its glorious splendour. Yes, you have smiled and have insulted me, and that only awoke the passion and the determination that was eventually your own demise, you realised, my friend that you could not play that game on me. And now we stand on the grandest of stages, and you can sense our desire to beat you, to set the record clear, to make known that we dominate you, that we are better. We will not succumb to your attacks, and we will not give in no matter what, your challenge will be matched and beaten, and in the end you will drown in your own defeat. Then, because of our continual faith and because we always stood strong we knew what we could achieve. we knew that we could reach a point way up high on the mountanins and we could sing with glory, knowing that our faith, that our spirit and that our determination despite all the obstacles in our paths, we succeeded. We reached the summit. We smiled.

True calling?
Topic: Reflective
The other day, I was conversing with my room mate about our true calling in life, which made me really think about that concept; one's true calling in life.
Do we all have a true calling in life? Something that God wants us to pursue. What exactly should we do with our special talents?

I think it takes a lot of time of reflection, solitude and thought to really understand what you were destined to be, and to then create that destiny in its tangible form, as life manifests itself day by day.

True, we may have a calling, yet it may take us many years to find it. In fact, even successful people, Michael Palin, for example, do not necessarily believe they have found what they were meant to do in life.

And that, is the source of comfort. To know that yes, we may have a true calling in life. But to also know that it is not only the answer that is important, but the questions. Not only the destination, but the journey.

Autumn winds
Mood:  sad
Autumn leaves scurry along black pavement,
And buses mow down, what was once alive,
Like broken dreams their colour dims,
Once soft and vibrant,
And now, a mere remnant of its glory,

And I walk along this dark road,
The wind filling the air with coldness,
As my hands search for warmth in the depths of my pockets,
I ask myself, why?
Why have I fallen so short again?

All those dreams I had, all those goals for myself?
Where have they gone?
Why am I stagnant?
I’m not afraid, but I need direction, a fresh focus in my life,
A little Engagement and interaction with something I desire.

If I could only know, what that is.

If only this deep void in my heart would be filled,

If only this confidence could be fuelled by an active desire,
A hope and a belief that my actions could make a difference,
Then,

I think I’d be fine.

Confusion with no reason
Mood:  don't ask
Confusion


There are times when you’re walking alone, and for no apparent reason, you feel overwhelmed by confusion and frustrationg. You want to just run or hide and you can’t decide on which.
There are so many things you want to do in life, and yet, it seems you haven’t done anything. You haven’t even come close to the grand plans you make for yourself.
And then you question, how long? How long will it take to find success? How long will I be in this transitory state?

Do you know the feeling, when everything you want to be, everything you dream for and everything that you envisage? It’s just so far away. But the odd thing is that it’s not a question of confidence or courage. It’s more about choices, and which you will end up chosing.

To be a businessman, to drive a porsche, to be poor but spiritually rich, to give back all the opportunities I have had in my life, to help others. Am I a charity worker or a creativer writer, a politician in the making? A lawyer? An entrepreneur?

Choices:
We are all faced with choices, no matter how significant or insignificant, every single day we have a choice to improve ourselves. There is something we can do, to tackle our fears, to help others. If I was motivated every single day as I got up in the morning to truly learn and to help, there would be tangible differences in my life.

If you could list the things you want in your life right now, what would it be?
Would you want a car, a first class honour degree, a closer spiritual relationship with your God, to fix a broken relationship?

I guess for me it would be to get closer to God, to live my life in line with the sometimes impossible moral values. I know thath I am so far away, but I also know that I have the ability to get closer.
I am aware that I am in a constant search for my calling in life. Maybe my whole life will be a search for that calling – or maybe I will find it tommorrow. But with God’s help I know I can find it.

With the talents we have been blessed with, we must be forever grateful and we must do all that we can with those talents. Our talents and gifts are God’s blessing to us, and what we do with that talent is our gift to God.

With hope and prayer, maybe I will rid myself of this confusion and agitation – and at least find some peace in myself through the pursuit of my goals and aims in life.

My first blog
Mood:  not sure
OK, so this is my first blog. I feel like I've finally jumped on the bandwagon of the information superhighway.

TO be honest, I'm a little confused on what a blog actually means. But I'm apparently writing one anyway.

All i know is that, these 'blogs' might come in to the view of others. And thats what I want. An avenue to express my views on ANYTHING. An opportunity to shout out at the things that piss me off, applaud the things that make me happy. And just generally write about all the crazy things that make up our lives in this crazy generation.

So, expect many blogs from me.
And It's be great to hear from you as well.